Canadian Perspective

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas at World Santa Claus Congress

Joseph — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:59:37 +0000

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in a Danish amusement park where Santa Clauses from around the world are gathering for their annual three-day congress. Now in it’s 51st year, the World Santa Claus Congress starting Monday brings together 136 red-clad delegates, mostly from Scandinavia but also as far away as Russia, Japan and the United States. The activities on the program include a bicycle parade, Hula Hoop dancing and a dip in the Copenhagen harbour. Delegates go by different names, such as St. Nick, Papa Noel or Sinterklaas, but the Bakken amusement park north of Copenhagen claims “they are all real Santas.”

British farmer creates Statue of Liberty-shaped maze

Joseph — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:38:30 +0000

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/080717/K071711AU.html

Christianity to be baned by UN

Joseph — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:32:14 +0000

The Organization of the Islamic Conference, has been pursuing the ban of Christianity in all of the member nations of the UN, since 1999.

Help With the Sermon

Joseph — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:56:55 +0000

Daughter: Daddy, why do you close your eyes and bow your head for a moment before you give the sermon?

Pastor: Because, my dear, I’m asking God for help with the sermon.

Daughter: Then why doesn’t He?

Man sues Tennessee church

Joseph — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:41:12 +0000

A man in Knoxville, Tenn., says he was so consumed by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head while worshipping. Now he wants Lakewind Church to pay US$2.5 million for medical bills, lost income, and pain and suffering. Matt Lincoln says he is suing after the church’s insurance company denied his claim for medical bills. The 57-year-old has had two surgeries since the June 2007 injury, but still feels pain in his back and legs. He says he was asking God to have “a real experience” while praying. Lawyers for the church say he failed to look out for his own safety, and other congregants even saw him on the floor laughing after his fall.

OIHA, PHC of NY, etc.

Joseph — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:23:25 +0000

Greetings! Happy belated Canada Day, Confederation Day, Dominion Day, etc. and also a happy belated Independance Day (in honour of my American Cousin). It was an exciting time at campmeeting this year. OIHA Camp, began on Canada Day (July 1st), in which we joyfully sang O Canada. The evangelists were, M.R. McCreary and Steve Harvey. We had a wonderful campmeeting were God’s presence was felt in a special way. On Sunday afternoon we had a baptismal service, in which twelve people were baptized.

This past Monday and Tuesday were the Annual Conference of the Pilgrim Holiness Church of NY Inc. Our new Council members are:

Conference President: Rev. Brian Spangler
Conference Vice-President: Rev. Paul Case Sr.
Conference Secretary: Kendall Straight III
Conference Treasurer: Rev. Daniel Shumway
Missionary Secretary: Rev. Kenneth Sickler
Advisory Members: Rev. B.J. Ward, Rev. Donald M. Meyers, Rev. John Peabody, Rev. Randy Neville

Remember to pray for our new council as they serve over this next year.

Upcoming events:

VBS Calling Day - July 19
Church BQ - July 26
VBS - July 28-August 1
VBS Program - August 1
Holiness Rally - Sept. 5-7

Democratic Space predicts Obama Victory

Joseph — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:07:24 +0000

Senators Approve Anti-Spanking Bill

Joseph — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:53:38 +0000

http://news.aol.ca/article/Senators-Approve-Anti-Spanking-Bill/261769/

THE POPE AND THE RABBI

Joseph — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:49:18 +0000

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.

There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they would have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a “silent” debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and Rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The Rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, and that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened?

The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Holy Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer, to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had beaten me at every move and I could not continue.

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won.

“To be perfectly honest, I haven’t a clue” said the Rabbi. First, the Pope said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I told him that it wasn’t possible. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him that we’re staying right here.

“And then what?” asked a woman.

“Who knows?” said the Rabbi. “He took out his lunch, so I took out mine.”

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Joseph — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:40:44 +0000

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise’. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without
suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

10. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.

11. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

12. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

13. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

14. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen!!